Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Mountains. Heavy are the mountains, but that changes over time.
Sky... Blue sky. What your eyes can't see. What your eyes can see.
Sun...There is only one.
Water... Comforting. myself?
Flower... So many alike. So many useless.
Sky... Red, red sky. Red is the color.
Red is the color I hate.
Water flowing.
Blood... The smell of blood. i hate to bleed
From the red earth comes man, from the soil.
Born of man and woman is Man.
Town... A human creation.
Eva... A human creation as well.
What is a human? A creation of God?
Is it a human creation?
The things I possess are my life and soul. I am a vessel for my heart.
Entry Plug, the throne for a soul.
Who is this? This is me.
Who am I? What am I? What am I? What am I? What am I?
I am myself. This, that which is, is myself. That which is formed is me.
This is the me that can be seen, yet feels as if this is not myself.
A strange feeling. I feel as if my body is melting.
I can no longer see myself. My shape is fading.
I feel the presence of someone who is not me.
Who is there, beyond me here?
I know this person. She is another me
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?

3:36 AM



Thursday, November 09, 2006

BAKAH!BAKAH!BAKAH... !!! i trust euu so much but yet euu betray miie...i hate it! n some more is being btray by a TC!i hate TC...i'm not gonna trust TC again... never... euu hurt my feeling...i been truthful tu euu but yet euu btray miie...BAKAH...

1:16 AM



Wednesday, November 01, 2006

i dun understand...whyy must i alwaes act?whyy must i act in front of ppl?even though i was realli unhappie n wish tu tok to no one but whyy muz i still act as if im okay?i hate wht i am doin rite now.its so not miie.whyy do i feel lyk i dun haf a choice tu be unhappie n dun tok tu anyone?whyy muz i alwaes lie?why muz i alwaes lie tu ppl bout whyy i am so unhappiie?i tell ppl tt i feel tired whenever i was unhappie but actually im not tired,im juz unhappie.whenever i keep my mouth shut,not tu sae a word n feelin unhappie,ppl around miie ask miie wht happen but i tell lies by sayin im juz tired.actually im unhappie!im not tired or anything im juz unhappie.

there is a person which makes miie v unhappie but whenever he ask miie if i m unhappie bout him i will tell lies by sayin im not unhappie wt him but actually i was unhappie bout him.what am i doing?i hate tellin lies!im cheatin my own feelin.i was actually unhappie bout you but yet i lie n sae tt im not unhappie bout you.i hate myself!i hate cheatin my own feeling!im a liar!i've been tellin so many lies to so many ppl.

i hate myself tellin lies to so many ppl.i tell it to so many ppl...so many ppl...i gt tell all those feelin lies to my frenz,my close frenz,my family ppl...and even myself i think...

why do i sudden haf so many prob in my life?stress,depression,being hurt by ppl,hidin my true feelin,tellin lies...

sometymes i at my bed thinkin wht is wrong with miie but all i can gt is nothin.sometimes,i cover myself wt blanket n pillow n squeeze hard at my own hand or my handphone.sometimes i feel tt i can alwaes be in my bed n forever sleepin in de bed.

i reali want to shout!i reali wanna shout out how i feel.i cant take it anymore...i felt tt i've been tightenin myself tuu tight tt i cant breath...i want tu let go of everythin.i want tu release myself....

4:57 AM



Thursday, October 26, 2006

wht am i doin?wht am i doin?wht am i doin?WHAT AM I DOING....!!! i hate myself.i hate myself.i sux.i sux at everythin.wht do i wan?i duno wht i sho do... im so confuse...shit! tis confuse n depress feelin came tu miie again.plz.wht sho i do?i now feelin so miserable.i dun wan it tu be now...i noe tt once it comes tu de endin i will be v hurt.i hate it.i wanan escape from it.i dun wan tu think bout it anymore.i wan tu stop my heart.i dun wan my heart tu feel tis way, its so miserable.plz dun pull such a trick on miie.i cant take it.i cant take it... its too much pressure.i wan tu avoid it...plz...i dun wan it anymore.tis is makin miie feelin so confuse,lost n miserable...

4:24 AM



Wednesday, October 25, 2006

haiis.i sudden cant bear tu part tis class.i juz gt tis feelin tt i will not be in 2g nxt yr.haiis.i think black demon will find ways tu make miie go another class bahh since she detest miie so much.hahx.i think i wont blame her de...right?yar... i think i wont blame her de...i wont blame her de even though i reali reali hate her.i reali wanna cry.de feelin tt i m goin tu another class seems tu be gettin stronger n stronger.will i reali go tu another class?although i act n tell everone tt i will be happie tu go to other class coz i wont be facin black demon but den deep down i actually feel v sad if i go another class.i cant bear tu par wt my bestie frenz.i juz cant.even if it is not miie but someone eles hu is gonna go another class i will oso cant bear tu c her goin tu another class de.i reali reali cant bear tu part wt anyone not even de ppl tt i hate.am i sentimental?haiis.

im currently readin a v sad comic bk n i m now readin de last volume but i dun dare.i scared i will cry or feel sad or at least feelin a bit depres or down or anything.i dun dare.i dun wan tu xperience tis feelin again.i dun wanan read de endin..i hate endin.. endin...i hate ending..

6:05 AM



Monday, October 23, 2006

i think i found de ans.or at least part of de ans.i think i noe wht i fear wht i hate...n de ans is... ENDING.i fear ending.i hate endin.i dun understnd whyy there will alwaes be ending...in comic bk,there are ending,in life there are oso endin (die) but no matter if it is a happie endin or a sad endin i will still cry or at least i will feel sad.i hate endin i dun wan anythings to haf endin.endin means euu r not able tu see or touch it anymore n it means tt it will disapper forever.so wht if it is a happie endin?its stil a sad endin to miie.endin endin endin...all things will haf an endin n it will leave miie n i will not be able tu find a replacement anymore.although these things will still be remained in myy heart but thats whyy all de moer i sho feel sad.de things tt will leave inside my heart will onli existed in my heart onli n in reality,i cant even touch it or see it so whts de use?it onli remined miie bout more n more sad thing n it will make miie feel more n more n more regretz.i hate ending.ending = making miie sad.I HATE ENDING I HATE ENDING I HATE ENDING...

6:01 AM



Friday, October 20, 2006

for the first time....for the first time... i felt so afraid....my hands r trembling... i am shivering... i am scared...i am so afraid!I AM SCARED! I AM AFRAID.... i watch The End Of Evangelion n i am so afraid.its so bloody, so scary,so horrible,so disgustin,so sad,so complicate,so romantic, so... so... so... i dun like it but i am curious so i keep watchin.i cant stop myself.i watch watch watch noein tt it i am afraid n i dun lyk it.its just lyk a moth,knowin that he will die if he came close to de light but he dun care,instead,he keep gettin closer and closer and closer to the light n in the end,he die but with a smile.its not a horror movie or anythin but i juz feel afraid.tis is my 1st tyme xperiencing tis feelin ... for de first time..im at a lost now.i hate de feelin, i dun wan tu xperiencin it again.my hands keep tremblin,my heart is full of horror,afraid,sad,scary,disgustin feelin.help miie....

5:14 AM